Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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