i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
