is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
