She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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