So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
