he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
