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Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Shame - the story of my life.
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