Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I could fuck to npr.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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