So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
