there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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