Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
