I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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