dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
