Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
