she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
