The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
