You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
