All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
