Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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