before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
