If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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