if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
