stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
