I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
