what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
