so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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