So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
