you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
