I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
