Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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