I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
