you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
