Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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