Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
