She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
