As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
