I hate your face
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
