Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
