I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
