Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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