At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
