Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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