i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
