he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
