my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
