I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
