she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
