I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
