FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
