So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
