my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
